I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
