Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
