too bad you live with your parents still
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
