Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
