So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
