nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
In America we eat man semen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
