On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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