Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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