I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
