Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
