my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
