He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
