Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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