As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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