It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
