the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
