By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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