He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
