that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
