tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
