Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I look better un-naked...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is Oprah even human
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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