You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
