I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
