Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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