I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
