But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Nicole vs. Life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
