I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
