Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she smelled like a LAN party
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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