So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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