Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
