At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
