So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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