I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
