Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
