Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
