Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
