Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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