**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
