Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
