2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
