My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
