Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
