just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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