at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
