I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
