i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need to calm my uterus...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
