Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
