One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
