It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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