Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
