Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
