hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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