Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
