Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
