If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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