every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ok first of all what the fuck
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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