I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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